Anonymous Porn Addiction Help for Wives, Parents and Addicts
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How long are we going to pretend that porn addiction isn’t a problem?
How many more divorces caused by porn addiction do we have to see to finally open our mouths?
How many more teenagers are we going to set up for disaster?
How many more wives have to suffer in silence because they think keeping their husband's porn addiction secret will make it go away?
Personally, I’ve had enough. I’m stepping up to be part of the solution.
Parents- how long will you keep your head buried in the sand and try to convince yourself that your son is part of the 10% that don’t have a porn addiction? Go check out our parent’s page to find out what you can do to help.
Wives- are you ready yet to just acknowledge that this is the most cleverly designed trap to catch men that the world has ever seen? And if your husband happens to be part of the silent majority that struggle with pornography addiction, it's time to get some help. For both of you. Visit our wives page to find out how.
Or maybe you’re the one with the porn addiction. Can we be really honest for just a minute? (I know that’s not common these days…)
I don’t think you can get over porn addiction on your own. I couldn’t. And the thousands of people that have gone through my programs couldn’t do it on their own either. If you could have fixed this on your own, you would have done it already.
Whether or not you are “addicted to porn” or if you just a “user”- it is darn near impossible to quit porn addiction on your own. I get emails all the time that say: I’m not addicted. I just find myself compulsively looking at it every week, or every month. It's like something happens, and I just can’t help it. I’ve promised myself I wasn’t going to do that again, but every once in a while, I go back…”
Call it an addiction, call it a compulsive behavior, call it a bad habit. Call it whatever you want. The bottom line is this: the longer you continue the pattern of “occasionally giving in”, the more deeply engrained this becomes in your brain. You need help with this NOW- before it gets out of control.
And if it has gotten out of control, it’s really time to get some support with this.
So let’s talk about what this is really going require. And let’s talk before you throw everything in your life away.
How many times have you tried to quit?
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
How many times have you finished looking at porn and said to yourself:
I am such a freaking dirtbag… I can’t believe I did that again. How did I let myself get caught in the cycle again? What’s the matter with me???
If my (wife, girlfriend, parents, friends, neighbors, church members…) knew who I really was, they would have nothing to do with me…
I know I always feel like crap afterwards, but in the moment, I start having these intense feelings, and it's like I lose control and go on auto-pilot, and before I know it I’m opening up a site I said I’d never go to again…
How do you think I know how you feel?
I get it. Just like you, I was exposed to porn as a teenager and it lit a fire in me that I didn’t know how to put out. Even after years and years of not looking, I still had moments of cravings that I didn’t know how to handle. And when the internet came around, it was just too tempting not to take a little peek. And you know the rest of the story.
But who in the world wants to make a website that confesses this?
I sure didn’t!
But when I watched one of my best friends get divorced because of a porn addiction that went unchecked, I had to open my mouth. Especially because I knew how to stop this.
How could I sit back silently and watch people’s lives fall apart because of porn addiction when I had solutions that had worked for me and for hundreds of other people.
But the real question is: Are you ready to change?
I don’t think you are. I think you’re just checking out this site, looking for a magic pill that will make this all go away. Some silver bullet that will fix everything and require no effort on your part.
(btw, good luck with that. I looked too, but it doesn’t exist.)
The good news is that when you’ve finally had enough, and you’re ready for REAL change, at least you know where to find it.
See, I studied personal development for 15 years. I read hundreds of books. I listened to thousands of hours of programs. I spent over $100,000 going to seminars and live events with some of the “gurus”. I hired some of the highest paid and most sought after coaches on the planet. All in search of the silver bullet. (did I mention that it doesn’t exist?)
The cool part was that I learned A LOT along the way. And I found things that really work to create change.
Not the “presto-chango” magic wand crap.
It takes effort, and commitment and time. AND it works.
So many things opened up in my life as I learned these tools. I made a lot more money. My health improved. My marriage came alive after I had all but extinguished any love that was left.
I know it sounds like an infomercial for a Tony Robbins program. Sorry. It’s really what happened.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I still have had my share of challenges and failures. Some real doozies. But I like who I am today. And I accept where I am in life. And I couldn’t say that several years ago.
I started teaching these processes, and people began to hire me as a coach. And that was really eye opening.
Up until that point, I hadn’t told very many people about my struggles with pornography addiction. I wanted to sweep it under the rug, and keep it in the past. But you know what I found? A lot of people had the same secret struggle. And they hadn’t told anyone about it.
So I started coaching people through porn addiction recovery. And some of them got great results.
And then came the day I mentioned earlier. I was in the Los Angeles airport when I got the call. It made me so sick to my stomach, I couldn’t eat my lunch.
One of my best friends was on the line and he told me that he was getting divorced. I won’t go into the details because they have been through enough already.
But it all stemmed from a pornography addiction that had been a secret for years.
And that was when I knew I had to reach out.
Mahatma Gandhi said to “be the change you wish to see in the world”. And that’s what this site is about.
So what are your options?
I’ve been around the block in this area, and here are some of your options:
Therapy (Get ready to pay- and you better find someone who specializes in pornography addiction)
12 Step Programs (You gotta make it public to participate)
Online Video Courses (Here is one that is helpful)
Our Programs (go watch the videos on our products page to find out more or if you like to read, click here)
What doesn’t work to help porn addiction?
Trying to change on your own. (Keep trying, and when you’re ready, come get some help).
Making yourself feel really bad, shaming yourself to change.
Pretending that porn addiction will go away on its own.
Using only willpower and not working to reprogram your brain.
Why is a porn addiction so hard to quit?
If porn addiction were a simple bad habit, people would not give up their marriages over it. If this were easy to quit, this would not be the #1 complaint in divorces.
For some reason, no one is saying the obvious.
The reason pornography addiction is hard to quit is that acting out sexually (porn, masturbation, etc) works! It is predictable. It shifts away from the negative feeling and towards the feeling of satisfaction- every time.
Any time a guy (or girl) feels exhausted, stressed, lonely angry, bored, horny- they can almost instantly run from those feelings and feel great for a few minutes.
This is the most reliable coping tool they have ever had. (And maybe the only coping tool they’ve ever needed because it’s so reliable).
It works every time, guaranteed. And very quickly- after the high goes away, they feel awful. Guaranteed.
(Oh, they try to run from the shame and guilt, but it follows them like a black cloud).
Like an aspirin pill that instantly takes away the headache every time- and gives them cancer too.
The reason a pornography addiction is hard to quit is because it works.
So when a wife tells her husband he has to stop his porn addiction- he really tries his best. But he usually goes back. Even if there is a painful consequence staring him in the face, he goes back.
Because he has never learned any new coping tools to help him effectively deal with porn addiction.
He only knows one way to deal with the uncomfortable feelings of being human. It’s the only way he’s been doing it since he was 12.
And to expect him to suddenly know how to cope in a different way with stress, and fatigue, and loneliness, and a low self esteem, and a lack of human connection and normal sexual cravings- that meets the definition of insanity.
Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.
And to just take away the only tool he has ever used, and expect him to know how to handle a life he has never handled- that is the most ridiculous expectation I’ve ever heard.
There is no magic bullet to overcome porn addiction. There is no program on the market that can “fix” someone. That doesn’t exist.
There is one way to change this behavior that has proven to be effective for thousands of people.
And that way is learning new coping tools for porn addiction. Learning new ways to manage stress. Eliminating the shame that was his whole life. And learning how to take care of his body, mind and spirit in healthy ways.
This means creating new habits. And new habits take time. And repetition. And constant reinforcement. They need to be reminded of these tools over and over.
And to expect him to just figure out these new tools all by himself is no different than expecting an English speaking child to just figure out how to read Chinese.
He needs to be taught these new tools from someone who has overcome a porn addiction.
And that’s it. That’s the great secret to the plague of this generation.
We need to teach these men (and women) the coping tools they were never taught as children so that they can overcome porn addiction. And then there is not as much need for escape.
Then porn goes back to its natural place- a distraction that occasionally seems interesting, but he avoids most of the time.
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"I love this program. I used to feel like I had to compete with porn in order to have a relationship with my husband. I didn't realize that this addiction is deeper than just looking at women. It has a lot less to do with me than I thought."
"This program has helped me to communicate with my husband in a way that doesn't make him feel ashamed, and lets me express myself. I learned how to help him, and what not to do. I was surprised to learn how I used to make this worse for him in the past."
"I feel like for the first time we are on the same page. We connect in ways that we never did before. I have my marriage back. Thanks Tony for all that you do."
"It has been 7 months since I looked at porn. I've never gone that long since I was 12 year old. Thank you thank you. This program worked to break the cycle and help me process what was going on with my emotions. One day at a time, I can do this."
Just wanted to drop you a line really quick and say that I have been getting some very awesome clarity from your program recently. I started a week late, but it's been very good. I used the lifeline for the first time today and it was powerful. I realized that some of my emotions driving my porn addiction was fear that I'll be left behind. I walked into my body and let God in. I was filled with abundance and it was a new experience. The other thing that has made all the difference in the world has been separating my real self from my behaviors. It has given me strength like I can't explain.
Thanks again for letting me join the program. I heard your call tonight and wanted to share with everyone some of the success.
You're stellar. Look forward to some more great experiences walking through the pain and learning about what it's telling me."